I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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