its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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