you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
