I'm really into asian looking animals
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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