pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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