i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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