drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
