...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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