Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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