Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Operation Purity has been aborted
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
