im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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