it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
