Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
