Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
