I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize