genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
