Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
