my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
