just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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