Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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