WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
