y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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