I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize