I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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