I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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