is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
