I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
