I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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