Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
