my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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