3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
