someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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