I want to stick my p in your. b.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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