I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
