please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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