She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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