i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
