Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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