if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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