i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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