Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
