i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
