You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
