At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
