yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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