Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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