I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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