I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
