The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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