Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
