i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
