Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
