I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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