i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
