4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
