So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
