fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
