i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
