So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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