I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
