i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
being pregnant is like rehab
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
