Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
