jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
