I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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