You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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