the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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