A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
