I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
