everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
