I hate your face
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize