So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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