i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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