I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
