Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
