i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
