Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
