I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How's work?
Spinning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
