i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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