YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
