We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
false alarm. still invincible.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
