DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize