How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
