i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
